This is going to be long, so bear with me
Today was my cousin/good friend/bridesmaids baby shower that I was asked to help out with. I live a few hours away from her and her husband so we came down the night before and stayed at their house to help put together the party. She and her husband had to work so i babysat her other kid, baked and made a custom frosting for cupcakes, put together the party favors, and decorated. I came down a couple weeks ago to help her go price check and look around to pick out what she wanted to do to. My fiance came with me and is helping her husband remodel their baby and their daughter’s room.
She insisted on planning her own baby shower and got some of her husbands family pissed off because they wanted to give her a surprise party but she didnt think they would do it the way she wanted. Then she complained about having so much stress trying to plan the party and asked me for help. Since she is a bridesmaid in the wedding I was really excited to help. I spent hourse designing games on my computer with cool borders and graphics only for her to turn to me and say she thought it was too hard and that if only i had made them matching, instead of fill in the blanks we could use it. I came to discover all she wanted was reassurence that her ideas were awesome, not real help.
She facebooked offensive stuff and pissed off her sister in law so bad, her , her girlfriend, and her daughter not only stopped planning the surprise party but refused to come to shower.
The shower came today and it was so small! Because she did things her way, we played four games that lasted 15 minutes, and they were all stupid. Shes like 33 and so all the guests were older and they kept rolling their eyes at how dumb the games were and all she kept bragging about is how much i helped her. We basically spent four hours watching the food network and talking.. what a fun baby shower.
She didnt want to listen to any ideas for food and spent money on sandwich items people only picked at, and bought grocery store pasta salad that made every sick.. but she bragged about how yummy it was!
Now after everything is done and over with (were still at her house, my fiance is helping to finish the baby room) she is bitching and screaming at her busband about how cheap his disabled eldery mother is and how she only gave $30 gift card. She is pissed because no one bought anything off her registry. People brought her things she needed, clothes, diapers ect. This is her second child and first boy so she felt that entitled her to a full shower. She has been crying all night because the one thing she really want ( a $160 crib set with this particular aquatic theme) she didnt get. It HAS to be from baby’s r us, it HAS to be this exact set, and it will RUIN the whole room if she doesnt get it. My fiance just lost his job so all we could afford was 4 onesies, 2 pairs of pants and a package of diapers. I feel so awful because I couldnt do more but as it is my mom and I had to go in on the gift together.
Her own husband (who is the one i am related to and is also in the wedding) said he wouldnt pay that much for a crib set. He had no idea what she put on there and says she is being ridiculous.
To make up for my lack of present, I have been on the computer for hours trying to find a cheaper crib set or one similar. I found one brand new on craigslist that is very similar, but was originally $300 and only costs $40 and she doesnt want it because it doesnt have the EXACT same design on it. The one she wants has bubbles and this one doesnt. I found her the one she wants for $50 cheaper and doesnt want to get it because its not from babies r us.
She wont use her daughter’s crib set even though it is not a gender specific set because it doesnt match the new theme she wants.
She just flipped out and said her husbands family hates and her and have something against her and just want to piss her off thats why they didnt come and buy her this expensive set. His mother lives alone, is disabled, widowed, and on a fixed income and this baby is like her 20th grand child. and she says who cares its a baby she can afford it. Her own mother only spent a few bucks and her dad didnt even come!!
I feel soooo bad I wanted to do more , but it just wasnt possible. I am starting to feel like it was a mistake asking her to be a bridesmaid. She already refuses to wear any of the styles of dresses I like and after seeing her behavior with this baby shower I am scared for my wedding.
Am I being ridiculous?
Nothing I saw calms her down and any advice I give her goes in one ear and out the other. I care about her but the more she goes on about how she got such crappy gifts and how cheap everyone is the worse I feel. If the grandma’s $30 gift card was crappy to her, my measly $25 gift was terrible.
How would You be feeling?
Are YOU acting like a big jerk? ABSOLUTELY NOT!!! Is SHE???? ABSOLUTELY, 100% YES YES YES!!! Yes, it’s probably hormones, yes, pregnancy is hard, but that still doesn’t give her the right to act the way she’s acting, and being all upset because she didn’t get particular crib sets. Since this is her 2nd baby, people don’t give as much stuff, since they figure you have stuff from baby #1. Yes, even if baby #1 is a girl, and baby #2 is a boy. That happened to me, I probably got 3 times as much stuff when my daughter was born than when my son was born. And most of the stuff I got when he was born was boy clothes and diapers and stuff. I didn’t even have a shower when he was born, so she ought to be grateful people were willing to show up when she did the rudest thing of all…throw herself a shower!!!
As far as her being your bridesmaid, I guess it would depend on when the baby is due in relation to your wedding. Will she still be pregnant at the wedding, or will she have just given birth and have a newborn? Maybe you need to give her an out here. Say something like "I know you’re going to be busy with the baby/not feeling well since your pregnant/etc. and was wondering if you’re still up to being in the wedding. Please don’t feel you have to do it still, I completely understand if you’ve changed your mind."
She needs to grow up, and be thankful you did everything you did for her, as well as give her a gift.
I’d think twice before helping her out again. Good luck!