Sweet Baby Gifts

I am currently expecting my 3rd child, a daughter, in July. I had my 2nd, a son almost 2 years ago.

I had my first child, which was also a girl, almost 5 years ago. When I was expecting her, a lot of people around me had girl clothes and things they were needing to get rid of, so I had clothes from newborn up through roughly at least age 3. I also got a car seat, etc., as well as some new things from my baby shower(we didn’t find out my first daughter was actually a girl until I was 7 mos., as my first OB during a not even 4 mo. ultrasound told us she was a boy, so we had to tell everyone the weekend before my shower that the sex was different than what was on the registry).

My first daughter passed away from SIDS at almost 3 months of age. After her death, I put all the clothes that had been in the hamper when she died in a sealed storage container. My MIL & BIL w/ out my permission opened this container up & took out many of the items in it, as well other articles I had packed elsewhere. As a result, I only have a very small amount of her clothes left. She had also worn all of the 0-3 months clothes there were. The few I have left are ones that I had to hide after I discovered the others missing that were very dear to me, & I nor my husband really feel comfortable putting our DD on the way in these outfits, as it would really upset us emotionally.

Also as a result, we have no 0-3 month girl clothes, nor any receiving blankets, etc.(none of the newborn stuff- my MIL also swiped a bunch of my sons stuff when SIL, her other DIL was expecting w/o my permission-we used to live w/ them, but don’t anymore-including the frame stroller I had for DS’s car seat, not to mention all the things that the caregiver MIL hired to watch GMIL stole for her DIL; this CG also stole some of my husbands things, and we later found out she was a crackhead-wish I could say I was joking here). We have a car seat and stroller combo that is neutral colored that we have from our son, as well as a baby bathtub, a play mat, and a couple of neutral colored onesies, but that is about it. Both my husband & I are also out of work, which has made getting the stuff we need a lot harder.

SIL, the other DIL, had 6 baby showers for her baby, including one that was hosted by DH’s aunt(who couldn’t be bothered to show up at the one for my first child, & only showed up for my second child’s b/c it was hosted as an event to keep the family left in town from BIL and SIL’s wedding occupied the day after, after most of the family left early the morning of the shower). I was expected to show up at all of these w/ at least a $40 gift each time at MIL & to a degree SIL’s(who is much better s off than us;she and BIL have 3 cars, a house, excellent jobs w/ excellent pay & benefits, & still have the money to go out & eat at nice restaurants every night as well) insistance, & DH and I have not had that kind of money for awhile. I had also hear "Oh poor SIL, she needs the help" after buying or having to get all of my childrens clothing and things myself.

My MIL doesn’t even ask about our little one on the way(& I am going on 6 months), esp. since she found out we are having a girl. She doesn’t ask how I am doing or anything either. My husband mentioned to her recently that we needed some things for the baby, as we also recently discovered some of the stuff we got w/ DS had been recalled/pulled off shelves due to safety recently & needed to be replaced. She said nothing & ignored him. My parents have been out of the picture for awhile(my mother is mentally ill- she told people that my husband & I killed our first child, as well as threatened to "do everything in her power" to take away any future children we had, as well as other unsavory comments-she stopped talking to me after I disputed her claim w/ DD#1’s DC as well as my son being a happy healthy toddler. She forbade my DF & sisters from talking to me.). All of my other family lives out of town;all of our friends are too busy w/ their own lives/kids to bother hosting a shower.

Even sans gifts, I would just like to have a get together, something to know someone other than my husband & I are excited about our little girl on the way
& something to celebrate her impending arrival. I know it goes against the proper way of doing things for me to host my own shower, but it is the only way I see one of any kind occurring.

What should I do?

*sorry this is so long*

I’m so sorry about everything that happened but baby showers are for first time mom’s only. not only that but throwing your own shower, of any kind, is horribly tacky.
If you want a get together then have one but make sure people know they are not expected to bring gifts. It’s when you start asking for gifts that makes it seriously tacky and VERY poor etiquette.