This is going to be long, so bear with me
Today was my cousin/good friend/bridesmaids baby shower that I was asked to help out with. I live a few hours away from her and her husband so we came down the night before and stayed at their house to help put together the party. She and her husband had to work so i babysat her other kid, baked and made a custom frosting for cupcakes, put together the party favors, and decorated. I came down a couple weeks ago to help her go price check and look around to pick out what she wanted to do to. My fiance came with me and is helping her husband remodel their baby and their daughter’s room.
She insisted on planning her own baby shower and got some of her husbands family pissed off because they wanted to give her a surprise party but she didnt think they would do it the way she wanted. Then she complained about having so much stress trying to plan the party and asked me for help. Since she is a bridesmaid in the wedding I was really excited to help. I spent hourse designing games on my computer with cool borders and graphics only for her to turn to me and say she thought it was too hard and that if only i had made them matching, instead of fill in the blanks we could use it. I came to discover all she wanted was reassurence that her ideas were awesome, not real help.
She facebooked offensive stuff and pissed off her sister in law so bad, her , her girlfriend, and her daughter not only stopped planning the surprise party but refused to come to shower.
The shower came today and it was so small! Because she did things her way, we played four games that lasted 15 minutes, and they were all stupid. Shes like 33 and so all the guests were older and they kept rolling their eyes at how dumb the games were and all she kept bragging about is how much i helped her. We basically spent four hours watching the food network and talking.. what a fun baby shower.
She didnt want to listen to any ideas for food and spent money on sandwich items people only picked at, and bought grocery store pasta salad that made every sick.. but she bragged about how yummy it was!
Now after everything is done and over with (were still at her house, my fiance is helping to finish the baby room) she is bitching and screaming at her busband about how cheap his disabled eldery mother is and how she only gave $30 gift card. She is pissed because no one bought anything off her registry. People brought her things she needed, clothes, diapers ect. This is her second child and first boy so she felt that entitled her to a full shower. She has been crying all night because the one thing she really want ( a $160 crib set with this particular aquatic theme) she didnt get. It HAS to be from baby’s r us, it HAS to be this exact set, and it will RUIN the whole room if she doesnt get it. My fiance just lost his job so all we could afford was 4 onesies, 2 pairs of pants and a package of diapers. I feel so awful because I couldnt do more but as it is my mom and I had to go in on the gift together.
Her own husband (who is the one i am related to and is also in the wedding) said he wouldnt pay that much for a crib set. He had no idea what she put on there and says she is being ridiculous.
To make up for my lack of present, I have been on the computer for hours trying to find a cheaper crib set or one similar. I found one brand new on craigslist that is very similar, but was originally $300 and only costs $40 and she doesnt want it because it doesnt have the EXACT same design on it. The one she wants has bubbles and this one doesnt. I found her the one she wants for $50 cheaper and doesnt want to get it because its not from babies r us.
She wont use her daughter’s crib set even though it is not a gender specific set because it doesnt match the new theme she wants.
She just flipped out and said her husbands family hates and her and have something against her and just want to piss her off thats why they didnt come and buy her this expensive set. His mother lives alone, is disabled, widowed, and on a fixed income and this baby is like her 20th grand child. and she says who cares its a baby she can afford it. Her own mother only spent a few bucks and her dad didnt even come!!
I feel soooo bad I wanted to do more , but it just wasnt possible. I am starting to feel like it was a mistake asking her to be a bridesmaid. She already refuses to wear any of the styles of dresses I like and after seeing her behavior with this baby shower I am scared for my wedding.
Am I being ridiculous?
Nothing I saw calms her down and any advice I give her goes in one ear and out the other. I care about her but the more she goes on about how she got such crappy gifts and how cheap everyone is the worse I feel. If the grandma’s $30 gift card was crappy to her, my measly $25 gift was terrible.
How would You be feeling?
Are YOU acting like a big jerk? ABSOLUTELY NOT!!! Is SHE???? ABSOLUTELY, 100% YES YES YES!!! Yes, it’s probably hormones, yes, pregnancy is hard, but that still doesn’t give her the right to act the way she’s acting, and being all upset because she didn’t get particular crib sets. Since this is her 2nd baby, people don’t give as much stuff, since they figure you have stuff from baby #1. Yes, even if baby #1 is a girl, and baby #2 is a boy. That happened to me, I probably got 3 times as much stuff when my daughter was born than when my son was born. And most of the stuff I got when he was born was boy clothes and diapers and stuff. I didn’t even have a shower when he was born, so she ought to be grateful people were willing to show up when she did the rudest thing of all…throw herself a shower!!!
As far as her being your bridesmaid, I guess it would depend on when the baby is due in relation to your wedding. Will she still be pregnant at the wedding, or will she have just given birth and have a newborn? Maybe you need to give her an out here. Say something like "I know you’re going to be busy with the baby/not feeling well since your pregnant/etc. and was wondering if you’re still up to being in the wedding. Please don’t feel you have to do it still, I completely understand if you’ve changed your mind."
She needs to grow up, and be thankful you did everything you did for her, as well as give her a gift.
I’d think twice before helping her out again. Good luck!
September 3rd, 2010 at 12:59 am
to b honest i didnt read it all. but maybe her cuz is such a bitch cuz.. i don’t kno. HAS A BABY INSIDE HER
References :
September 3rd, 2010 at 1:13 am
You are not being ridiculous, or a jerk. You are being a patient, awesome friend. Her hormones are obviously waaay off the charts. She’s acting irrational. You did a lot for her during her special time. Now, it’s time to focus on yours. I really think that by having her as a bridesmaid, all you have to gain is added stress and probably drama. Try to replace her. If your wedding is soon or within the first few months of her giving birth, use that as an excuse: "I understand that having a baby is a lot to deal with, I don’t want to put the added pressure of being a bridesmade on you. I wouldn’t want to take on that role if I had a newborn (or was pregnant), a 2 year old (or however old) and a husband to deal with. I don’t want you to worry about it, I’m going to ask (whoever) to do it instead." Maybe you could write it to her or something - otherwise, be prepared to her the automatic "but, I WANT to do it." Good luck!
References :
September 3rd, 2010 at 1:33 am
WOW. No you definitely are not being a jerk and neither are you being ridiculous. Shes being a total bitch. If I were in your shoes, I would not want anyone like that to be one of my bridesmaid. Shes being a bit to picky and doesn’t seem to care about the time & effort people were putting in to make her happy. Its the thought that counts so she shouldn’t have cared if the gift was a $30 or $5 dollar gift card. Don’t let her walk all over you like that.
References :
September 3rd, 2010 at 1:38 am
so obvious it’s her hormones working against her and all of you
u were so patient and this is a good thing about friends. she will appreciate this later. i think that your wedding should be after she delivers the baby, maybe then u should be able to judge fairly about keeping her as your bridesmaid or not :S
Good luck and congrats on your wedding
References :
September 3rd, 2010 at 2:06 am
Your not the one being a jerk here, shes a 33yr old women that acts like a little kid and very clear her hormones are on the run but if this is what shes like when shes NOT pregnant then we cant blame the pregnancy she should just be grateful she got ANYTHING! If you cant afford much then DONT get much..If she wants the expensive crib set then i would have said BUY IT YOURSELF! Not many people are made of money pfft man i think giving those list things out saying what you want is DUMB! my mum always said "GET WHAT YOUR GIVEN, OR DONT HAVE IT AT ALL" and this certainly applies to her!!
As for her being your bridesmaid just remember its YOUR wedding and if she doesnt like what you want then i would give her the choice of either wearing it and biting her very selfish tounge or not being apart of the bridal party its as simple as that..Youve only tried to be there and help her out and it doesnt look like shes very thankful for any of it..
How would i be feeling?…Hmmm ALOT shitter (p.s Goodluck with everything and i hope your wedding is everything you want it to be
)
References :
September 3rd, 2010 at 2:45 am
Are YOU acting like a big jerk? ABSOLUTELY NOT!!! Is SHE???? ABSOLUTELY, 100% YES YES YES!!! Yes, it’s probably hormones, yes, pregnancy is hard, but that still doesn’t give her the right to act the way she’s acting, and being all upset because she didn’t get particular crib sets. Since this is her 2nd baby, people don’t give as much stuff, since they figure you have stuff from baby #1. Yes, even if baby #1 is a girl, and baby #2 is a boy. That happened to me, I probably got 3 times as much stuff when my daughter was born than when my son was born. And most of the stuff I got when he was born was boy clothes and diapers and stuff. I didn’t even have a shower when he was born, so she ought to be grateful people were willing to show up when she did the rudest thing of all…throw herself a shower!!!
As far as her being your bridesmaid, I guess it would depend on when the baby is due in relation to your wedding. Will she still be pregnant at the wedding, or will she have just given birth and have a newborn? Maybe you need to give her an out here. Say something like "I know you’re going to be busy with the baby/not feeling well since your pregnant/etc. and was wondering if you’re still up to being in the wedding. Please don’t feel you have to do it still, I completely understand if you’ve changed your mind."
She needs to grow up, and be thankful you did everything you did for her, as well as give her a gift.
I’d think twice before helping her out again. Good luck!
References :
September 3rd, 2010 at 2:53 am
Mommy hormones or not she is the one being a complete jerk. You should not be having a baby if you are expecting everyone else to play for it. Just be glad everyone did what they could. For your hubby losing his job I think you got her a ton of stuff! I applaud you for being soo patient and a good friend. I would have lost it if my friend acted like that when she was prego. I actually told her a couple of time uh you need to chill lol but we are super honest with each other like that. As for your wedding I would just tell her either she wears what you pick or she can wear whatever she wants and sit with all the other guests. Put your foot down. My same friend told me she refused to wear red and I told her well I refused to change my color and she like instantly said fine. Some people walk all over you just because you let them! At this point it is not your job to step in and save the day. You and your man need to go to bed or head home and let her and her hubby deal with it. It is their baby and her bad attitude. You did what you could and did an awesome job. Now go enjoy your excitement with your wedding and everything.
References :
September 3rd, 2010 at 3:16 am
How would I feel?
Truthfully? Like she needs to get off her high horse and come back down to earth.
Is she like this when she isn’t pregnant? Then I agree with the statement above. However, even if she hasn’t acted this way when pregnant before…I think that every pregnancy effects you differently.
Even so being pregnant isn’t an excuse or a license to be mean.
In all honesty, I think you should tell her she needs to stop acting the way she is or leave your bridal party. I don’t care if she was born that way, or because she’s pregnant but it’s really no excuse seeing as she has free will. She isn’t being forced to act like that. You don’t want someone acting like that interrupting your wedding especially if she will be in front of everyone as well.
References :
September 3rd, 2010 at 3:34 am
mistake- she threw her own shower, for a second baby. geez. she created that stress and work, pissed off a lot of people and her only motive was to get gifts. one doesn’t throw one’s own shower. selfish?
time to go home.
References :
September 3rd, 2010 at 4:19 am
sorry but i disagree with a lot of people
having a baby/hormones is not an excuse
and its people who use it as one that justify spoiled brats like this into thinking they have a right to be a diva
you are 100% in the right
and so is the SIL who decided not to come
you have been a wonderful friend
to be honest?
too wonderful
you as well as everyone else around her ( except the wise ones who didnt come) are enabling this behaviour
she is a grown woman, with a child
i pity the children, she wants the limelight
time mommy grew up and stopped acting like a spoiled princess
i would be giving her a wide berth, a VERY wide berth
i also think $160 for a crib set isnt that much
so if she cant afford it, she cant afford her snobby attitude either and should be grateful for what she does get
she thinks she is entitled to thsi more expensive one
then she should get off her primadonna backside and earn it
References :
September 3rd, 2010 at 4:31 am
You’re not over-reacting in the slightest. In fact, you’re guilty of allowing her to act like a spoiled brat. Of course the shower wasn’t well attended! People never get a second shower, and it’s even a bigger etiquette violation to throw it for yourself. You say she "insisted" on it, but that’s just another way of saying you couldn’t say no to her.
I’m not fingerpointing, because people often don’t see this. You’re caught up in all sorts of extraneous details like pasta salad and stupid games when the bigger point is that this event never should have taken place at all..
And now…you’re still looking around for a better gift?!? Honest, you really need to learn to set much better boundaries. She’s treating you like garbage, and you are practically begging for it.
If this is someone you’ve grown up with and been close to, I think you owe her a long convo about her behavior, which is rude and greedy. If not, then someone else should do it and you should distance yourself. It’s scary that you’d ask if YOU are the one being ridiculous here.
References :
September 3rd, 2010 at 4:43 am
I would feel exactly as you are feeling, but this too, shall pass and your friendship will remain strong.
References :
September 3rd, 2010 at 5:10 am
You write: To make up for my lack of present, I have been on the computer for hours trying to find a cheaper crib set or one similar.
Stop. You will never be able to please this woman, so stop trying. You’ve done enough. It is time to back away a bit.
You write: I am starting to feel like it was a mistake asking her to be a bridesmaid. She already refuses to wear any of the styles of dresses I like
Okay, there is your out. When she refuses to wear the chosen dress, you say with wide-eyed innocence . . .
"I am so sorry you are unhappy with the dress. I don’t want you to be uncomfortable. Would you be more comfortable just attending the wedding as a guest? Because I would completely understand, and I want you to be happy. I really think that would be the best option, and it would take a lot of pressure off you."
When she protests and says that of course she wants to be a bridesmaid? Then you reply, "But this is the dress we are using, and that makes you uncomfortable. No, I really think it best that you attend the wedding as a guest."
Just keep on saying no, no, no . . . that you wouldn’t dream of forcing her to wear something she dislikes.
References :