I have a very difficult situation where I need outsiders to help me with.
Two years ago, my brother-in-law (29) got his girlfriend (28) of 4 months pregnant and they got married soon afterwards. I, on the other hand, dated my husband for three years and we had a nice engagment and wonderful wedding. I had to work very hard to get accepted by my in-laws being that I am not super church going Christian and not involved in church activities.
After their quick wedding and ceremony, I received a very nasty email from my new sister-in-law telling me that I need to find Jesus and I will never truly know what love us until I have a child along with other "words of advice". All of this comes from the 29 year old who did not know how to keep her legs closed !! On top of that they took the wedding gift of a car we gave them ( he did not have a car and we spent $1,000 dollars getting this one fixed up), sold it, and pocketed the money!!
I was sooo upset about the way I was treated by her and my in-laws that I just decided to ignore them and go on with my life. They live a state away so this was easier to do. I also decided to block their emails and block off communication because when I see their names I literally I get emotionally unstable and all of the bad memories come flooding back. They have also ignored me and speak poorly of me when I am not around.
Now I am 4 months pregnant and suddenly I get an email from her (she blind cced my husband to it and he forwarded it to me) stated that she is soo excited for us and wants to throw us a baby shower. I know that if she blind cced my husband she probably blind cced others in the family as well. I know her main motivation is to look good infront of the family but I do not want her to throw us a baby shower, much less have anything to do with my pregnancy or child. I chose to ignore the first email but she sent a follow-up last night along with the statement that she and her husband ( I can’t stand) were planning to come visit us when the child is born. That was the turning point for me; I DO NOT want her around me much less during this stressful time in my life.
I know that she is doing all of this to look good infront of the in-laws but I just want her to leave me alone. I want her to just butt out. How do I politely and with manners tell her that I do not want a baby shower from her, that I still have alot of pain from what happened ( I can’t shove it under the mattress and act like we are best friends), and that I just want to be left alone. I also do not want her coming to the birth or any time after that.
Please, please, I need your advice on this very delicate subject. I Just want to be left alone from my crazy sister-in-law !!
I feel your pain, my in-laws are very church going also, but to your problem. First I would just e-mail her and tell her that everything has been taken care of and that you have so much going on that you just couldn’t handle another shower. When it comes time for them to visit, tell them that there just isn’t enough time in the day for you to entertain and you have no spare time or room at your home. Tell her you will e-mail her if anything should change, but for now you just don’t see it happening. Or you could do what I did and just give her a piece of your mind. It took a little while but the family has embraced me and my sister in-law no longer tries to throw me under the bus. Congrats on the new edition and don’t take any crap. It’s your life, live it your way.
Remind her that she should not be passing judgment on anyone.
February 11th, 2010 at 6:46 pm
I feel your pain, my in-laws are very church going also, but to your problem. First I would just e-mail her and tell her that everything has been taken care of and that you have so much going on that you just couldn’t handle another shower. When it comes time for them to visit, tell them that there just isn’t enough time in the day for you to entertain and you have no spare time or room at your home. Tell her you will e-mail her if anything should change, but for now you just don’t see it happening. Or you could do what I did and just give her a piece of your mind. It took a little while but the family has embraced me and my sister in-law no longer tries to throw me under the bus. Congrats on the new edition and don’t take any crap. It’s your life, live it your way.
Remind her that she should not be passing judgment on anyone.
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February 11th, 2010 at 7:25 pm
Tell her that you have already organised a baby shower with friends, and that you appreciate the gesture however in light of the things she has said about you and put you through in the past that you would rather she didn’t involve herself in your life during this time.
and remember- when you do have the baby you can tell people not to visit- they will want to but you have to put your foot down early otherwise you will never get rid of the hoards of visitors.
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February 11th, 2010 at 7:39 pm
First of all, does she know when your due date is? The less information that she has is better for you. Tell your husband to not give out any of your personal information to them and that they bother you a lot. If you have to talk to her just be nice and tell her that you do not want any baby showers. Tell your husband that it would be less stress for you if she doesn’t come to your child’s birth. After your baby is born, you will be a very busy person. Get your husband to tell them that you need rest and have too much work to do to have company around you. Work with your husband as a team.
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February 11th, 2010 at 8:00 pm
You DON’T know she is doing it to look good in front of your in laws.For all you know she COULD have changed.There is no way of knowing since you cut off all contact.She is family none the less.
You don’t need to be buddy buddy with her, but you can be civilized.Dwelling on the past will do nothing but piss you off.Let it go.You know that her religious crap was just that..crap.She is just trying to preach because she knew she went about it in the "un christian like" way.
Let her know that someone has already offered to throw a baby shower for you.As for the birth, there is no reason why she needs to be present since you guys aren’t close.
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